I’m, like, totes jelly you live in Portland.

How many of us would try to take hipster Instagram pictures with a frap? Nah. It’s got to be cold brew–or better yet, nitro cold brew.

Except for basic gals, I guess. In that case, a vanilla frap is totes glamorous. Stumptown and Coava wouldn’t be caught dead with a blender in the back to make frozen drinks, but in the west side we love to do the sacrilegious act of mixing espresso with ice and copious pours of milk, followed by a thousand pumps of sugar. So we’re pretty much rampant with a high pH.

(P.S. This post is a nod to a reader who asked me to write about basic food in the survey I posted from last week. So here we are!)

Dutch Bros. is like the ultimate basic watering hole besides Starbucks over here. Actually, Dutch Bros. is hip for basic girls. This coffee drive-thru looks like a scene out of the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland. It’s bright blue with happy tulip and windmill prints plastered all over the small building, and there’s a fluorescent sign. And there’s going to be a line of cars, guaranteed.

I did what I could, ordering a “soy medium vanilla Dutch freeze,” which is Dutch Bros.’ version for this basic favorite. Avoiding dairy–check. Lots of fake vanilla–check. Frozen coffee drink–check.

I honestly didn’t mind the taste, though. It’s a perfect guilty pleasure beverage, swirled with syrup and a light, almost mild coffee flavor. There was a downside of driving while attempting to drink said frap, however–the good stuff sank to the bottom to leave an unpleasant mass of ice on top.

P.S. Thanks Mom for holding this.
P.S. Featuring my mother’s hand holding the drink.

What else is basic for basics? Easy–the acai bowl.

This was the second time in my life eating this nutrient-laden smoothie concoction, and I think it’s deliciously refreshing. Like I would wake up craving this after a late night Taco Bell run. And I don’t know, noshing on one of these makes me feel so sophisticated for some reason. Does eating these make you automatically cool?

So I decided to check out a local place. The Bowl & Berry is a new biz that’s gained lots of traffic because of its acai bowls, and it’s located in the deep west side of Portland as a part of the Bethany Village hubbub.

I probably earned the award for most eager customer, strolling in literally one minute after Bowl & Berry opened.  I demanded a detox, pronto. (Truth is, I came too early and had to lurk in Starbucks. Rookie mistake.)

A small deluxe bowl consisted of a thick, smooth acai and berry smoothie base churned with apple juice and bananas. Then a layer of sliced bananas ringed the top, followed by a heap of honey granola and three measly strawberry pieces. Plus a couple of sad-looking blueberries. More fresh fruit, I say!


The whole shindig was crisscrossed with a drizzle of golden raw honey, which was quite a delicious touch. I’d dig my spoon deep into the smoothie,  scoop on some granola tinged with honey, and savor the fresh flavors. The honey sweetned the acai’s slight tartness and added an air of decadence, but its raw quality still stayed true to the bowl’s theme of healthiness. Five stars for the acai bowl, basic folk. I dig it.


Now excuse me while I do some yoga.


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